Lions eye

I find myself facing a parenting dilemma. Friday my husband and I spent our day without 18 month old daughter at the eye doctors. We were referred there by her pediatrician because she has been having an eye problem since she was born. The problem is small but annoying, her eyes are constantly runny and people always ask “have you been crying sweetheart?” and look at me with accusing glances. No she hasn’t been crying she just always looks like it. In fact my daughter isn’t much of a crier, a yeller, a biter, and a screamer, but we don’t see tears unless she’s tumbled out of her high chair, or her brother refuses to share snacks.

Were sitting at the eye docs, and there is another child Zoey’s age and they are playing together. We were there forever so his mom and I get to talking; they came all the way from Plattsburgh to have the same testing done. Both of our children are bumping into walls and tripping over their feet because their pupils have been dilated after some medical concoction was put into them. This mother tells me that her son has already had the surgery the eye doctor insists we get, but it didn’t work. So they have come to Albany to try out this doctor and have the second stage procedure. This procedure gave me nightmares, it involved eyes and balloons and separation. I’m not very technical, but shit sounded intense.

We meet with the doctor he looks at Zoeys eyes and tells us how he will surgically operate on my baby. My little lady who I have only had for 18 months, I have waited a lifetime for her. He tells us how he will put a mask over her face and make her go to sleep, and then he will take a wire and unclog her tear ducts one by one. My husband and I now have a decision to make, should we go through with it? Will it work? What if we don’t go through with it and Zoey hates us when she’s a pre teen and has to have it done. Will she out grow it, the doctor says no but there’s a faint tugging at my heart saying this is a possibility. I’ve only had my wisdom teeth out as an adult and I hated every second of it, should I jeopardize my child’s happiness by doing this? There are so many what ifs running through my brain.

All I want is a daughter who is happy, healthy, and normal…normal may be asking for too much but at least normal on the outside. So now I am faced with the decision of a life time, not only mine but my babies, and I have to face this decision alone as her mother, but with family support. The question I have pressing at me is will Zoey hate me for doing this, not now but in the long run. The list of what ifs seems to be suffocating me. Who said being a mom was easy?