Today while doing yoga in my bedroom, I glanced up, looked in the mirror. I saw a reflection of a body. A body, that I actually love. I saw my belly swollen, brown, and spilling over the band of my ever sagging exercise pants. I saw my belly, and my belly button, A part of my body I have never noticed. And I looked at myself. Hard.
That belly, a stomach that has never seen daylight. A stomach that has held two children. Is ripped and striped. A belly that has been hidden during love making, and hands have been removed from. I looked in the mirror, and I looked at myself. It was longer than a glace, I stared at myself. In that moment, I fell in love.
I have been looking for love for 30 years, and no one told me it was here all along. It is in the bridge of my nose. The nose that I hated growing up, the nose I wished away. Wished it wasn't as round, that is held my glasses, that my nostrils were smaller.
The love I have been looking for was in my collar bones, bones I have not seen in years, but I feel as I massage my neck, or wrap a scarf around it. Hidden, like a treasure, a secret only for me.
I found it in my wrists, my finger tips.
I found love in my lower back. There it was rooted in my thighs, shaking while holding a triangle pose. Thighs that make jean shopping impossible, that rub together. I love, love, love my thighs. Thighs that are strong, that can hold a body, just so. Thighs that have walked miles, and climbed mountains.
I found love in my ankles, and my toes.
There is no love, like the love I have for myself. It may have taken me 30 years to get here. Fad diet, after fad diet. Looking down on myself, and wishing I could be somebody, anybody else. Why?!?
I didn't realize how soft my skin is, and how my laugh can light up a room.
I thought if I was just a little quieter, a little softer, maybe I would be more likable.
To who?
So as I looked into my own face, and down to the rest of me. All of my strength, and vulnerability perched in motion. I looked into myself and I fell in love.
